Relieved.....

The first lesson I learnt, on the first of the year was what "relieved" really means.

Dad's hospitalized (again) but the ordeal was absolutely shit. I'm surprised that I manage to stay as calm as I did.

Dad complained of stomach discomfort over the weekend, after having some seafood with some relatives. Apparently on Monday morning, he went to the clinic and the doctor gave him an anti-vomitting jab. Mum, D&D went for some New Year's buffet at a friends house while I woke up at about 1:00pm, which was the usual routine for me.

As I went downstairs, I noticed the master room doom ajar and saw dad sleeping. I spent most of the afternoon lounging in the hall, in front of the TV. Later in the evening, the maid was bringing dad his meds, when she came rushing down in a panic, saying that she was scared, something happened to dad. I didn't really understand what she was blabbering about so I went up to check.

Dad had shifted from one side of the bed to the other (since I last saw him). His stomach was rising and falling like someone was putting pressure on it and I could see him shaking/shivering. I called out to him and he didn't reply, only made a sound like a grunt. I called him again and yet he didn't respond. I started to worry. He had a fever and his face looked gaunt, his eyelids were slightly open and I could see his eyeballs turned yellow. His skin had turned yellow too but I seem to have missed that.

D&D had come home a few hours earlier and were having a nap. I shouted that there was something wrong with dad and asked them to call mum immediately.

All the while, D&D kept trying to wake him up but he didn't move nor respond. I was told he didn't have anything to eat the whole day and was told to prepare a protein shake for him, the usual that I've been taking. Mum came home a few minutes later, and while I was in the kitchen, D&D and mum were upstairs. Mum was freaking out, started her prayers and chants. I think I heard her order someone to call for an ambulance, which we did.

Mum thought of carrying dad down and driving him to the hospital but was afraid of dropping him. When I saw him again, he was drenched in sweat, the bed was soaking wet with sweat. Dad has some funny gurgling noises coming out of his throat. But still did not respond to our calls.

All the while, I was trying to keep calm and seeing mum react like that - it just scared the shit out of me. She crying and chanting at the same time. I told myself to keep calm and I musn't cry. Mum kept telling dad to "hold on" and the ambulance was on the way. We prayed for the ambulance to hurry up. We prayed for protection and blessings. We prayed for more time.

We called for a 2nd ambulance - and later found out that both ambulances lost their way and couldn't find our house. Finally, the first one we called arrive, followed by the 2nd ambulance I called.

I had a weird feeling - just so tired. So worried, so concerned. I was in pain. I was afraid of what might happen. I was worrying about the possibilities. A million things went through my mind.

When I got to the hospital, sis told me he was in the Resuscitation Ward. It sounded bad. The doctor was concerned it was a stroke but how can that be? All of a sudden? He was fine a couple of days before when we went out, looking at condominiums.

The doctor tested dad's reaction/reflexes by poking dad's soles. He moved when they were poked. Apparently, dad's body had already stiffened and his eyes were open and he wasn't blinking. Doctor sent him for a CT scan but couldn't find anything.

Few hours later, about 8:00pm, dad was finally stirred on the bed and was conscious again. He could speak but it wasn't very clear. Mum was so relieved, she kissed him on the forehead. He realized he was in the hospital. Mum was testing him, to see if he could recognize us - as he was still in a daze.

Some of the aunts, uncles and cousins came to visit and to give support. They stayed a little while but dad had dozed off.

Doctor's suspected that it could have been the anti-vomitting drug he was given. Dad could've been allergic to it, or the drug was too strong. The doctor then said he gave dad something to counteract what was given earlier in the day. He said it wasn't serious and he could be discharged. Mum insisted that dad was admitted, just in case - only to be told that there were no beds. At the time of writing this, dad had gone for a 2nd CT scan earlier this morning, but there were no doctors around to give the results.

Throughout the whole ordeal, a million things went through my mind. I was scared, panic, worried. Only GOD knows what sort of emotions I went through throughout the whole ordeal.
When I was at dad's bedside, and he finally called my name, I finally understood what "relieved" meant. It was always a word we use to describe, but I guess I never really knew until that day.

I walked out of the room, told D&D and Ryan to go have a look at dad. I took a seat, and then the tears started welling up in my eyes.

Just for a little bit.

I told myself I wasn't going to let myself cry. But I couldn't help it.